Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am available for nakedness
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
