Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
