You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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