i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
