So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
