he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's shark week go big or go home
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
