I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
