I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no you cant smoke seaweed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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