I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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