just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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