I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
