none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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