my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
