Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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