doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
