right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
