foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize