take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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