We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
