I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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