everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize