she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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