I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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