WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
