After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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