you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
