Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
