My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
