my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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