I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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