I just cut my nipple shaving
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
