tonight lets celebrate not being married
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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