My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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