wakey wakey hands off snakey
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
