You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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