I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
