he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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