There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
