I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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