I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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