I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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