Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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