not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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