i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
