if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
handjob tips. give me some.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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