Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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