How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
