I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
