He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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