That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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