Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
