All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
