I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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