The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
