You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
