I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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