...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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