I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
