She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
