apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
