Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
