Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize