he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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