In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
