He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
