I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize